I feel like many of my “confidence” posts during the A to Z challenge seem to repeat the same things, over and over.
Maybe that’s just because I see a common thread – an underlying truth that can be applied to many different self-confidence challenges: you need to be the one who likes yourself; no one else can provide the confidence you lack.
Don’t worry what everyone else thinks of you – work on how you think of you.
How can we stop obsessing about what other people think of us, without becoming callous, aggressive, or tactless? It’s the same as the “bully” problem – if we truly do not internalize what others say or think about us, then no remark or glance will send us into depression.
Sure, easy to say, right? We can say – all we want – that it doesn’t matter when someone calls us “chubby” or “lazy” (etc.) but the fact is, those words hurt because we are afraid they are true. We don’t want them to be true, because those are sensitive topics for us – our emotional triggers.
Perhaps we have learned over time to listen with an open mind to people’s advice and comments, and not just brush them off, so we can allow ourselves to learn from them. We trust most people we hear these comments from (legitimately so or not), because often times they are friends, family, co-workers, or someone in the community we have come to respect. After all, if I don’t listen to good advice given in good faith, then I’m not truly open to improvements, am I?
Sure, we need to listen with an open mind. Where appropriate, when given an opportunity to learn, we should do so. However, if you personally don’t see yourself as “lazy,” why should you internalize the very kind and thoughtful advice from your bestie on how to tackle those six extra chores? Listen politely, thank them for their concern. But just because someone else suggests you should do something (even for your “own good”) it doesn’t mean you need to or that you should.
The point is, that choice should be yours, not someone else’s. That includes you not letting yourself be guilt-tripped if you decide not to follow someone’s advice. If you hear advice, and you truly, absolutely agree with it and would do it even if the person took a vacation for a year, then great – they helped you learn. Make sure if you “think” you should follow the advice, that decision is truly coming from you, not them.
Hey, if they’re really trying to help, they will support you no matter what you decide.
Have you ever gotten to the point (or know of anyone) that got so frustrated with it all they just become outright nasty? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done that…
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