Well, I’ll be darned. How long has it been – since the end of the A to Z Challenge, correct? That’s all of May and all of June that I didn’t write a single blog. Or a single word of my manuscript.
I think what happened is a combination of unrealistic goals as a writer, and encroaching problems with my health.
As you have surely guessed from the title, I have Bipolar Disorder, which I always used to call “Manic Depressive.” For those of you who don’t know, it’s relatively simple: 2 poles, 2 extremes – you flip between mania (lots of energy but very anxious and nervous) and depression. Sometimes this flip happens over months, sometimes in a matter of 20 minutes. And there is often no specific trigger which starts the cycles – and no easy or “natural” way to totally control those flips and extremes.
As any of my subscribers know, I can ramble on and on in my blog posts, and certainly the subject of Bipolar Disorder is a gargantuan topic. Suffice it to say I’m just barely controlled enough to be able to hold a full time job of a Programmer, albeit I’m out sick more often than most.
My point in this post is that simultaneously two things happened: I received very good yet very critical editing feedback of my 4 draft chapters, and at the same time I was in the beginning-to-middle of a more prolonged Bipolar episode that I hadn’t recognized, which included symptoms that resembled OCD and phobias. That episode has lasted for months (6 months or more?) and I just this week finally took action to get things under control.
So I stopped writing for months, and almost gave up. But I really do enjoy writing, so I will start again – I’m just not sure when. I’ve already “promised” myself “this weekend” for about 3 weeks now, so we’ll see. I just purchased Nuance Dragon Naturally Speaking 13, so hopefully I can use that as an excuse to get back to it – to something.
Don’t worry, there’s light at the end of the tunnel for me. This isn’t the first time this has happened, and it won’t be the last. I’ll get by, it just may take a little time.